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The Ancient Mariner; PG
Topic Started: Jan 12 2007, 02:57 PM (362 Views)
will_k_williams	Jan 12 2007, 02:57 PM Post #1
Miscreant Posts: 1,663 Group: Cabin 2 Member #110 Joined: April 30, 2006	I've never written fan fiction before so please be honest. This will probably be in several parts and I'll write it as it comes to me. People and places belong to Disney, Buena Vista Entertainment and associates, not me. The Ancient Mariner PG - to be on the safe side. The first ten years is the hardest they say, or was it the first twenty? Fifty? It didn't really matter anymore. The ship pitched to the port, they were on the hunt, faint shouts of excitement travelled through the decks. He remained where he was, his time was up but that didn't matter. He had nowhere else to go. This ship was home now. The shouting grew louder and more frenzied and he knew what was coming next, the booming thud went straight through the ship rattling what was left of his teeth. Another sad sod was about to lose his life to the Dutchman in one way or another. He closed his eyes and ignored it. He awoke to the snores of his fellow shipmates, there were no portholes here, the only way to tell day from night down here was by how many were sleeping. It wasn't the easy sleep of a normal crew for these creatures were anything but. Even Hell wouldn't recognise these beasts as ever having been human so no chance of a life after. This was why he stayed. Pasco Wyvern no longer remembered a time when the sea still meant adventure and freedom, for too long had it meant imprisonment. It must have been over a decade since he'd seen the stars, felt a sea breeze. Fresh air was once a distant yet happy memory but even that was gone now. He was the son, grandson and great grandson of fishermen (being from Torquay) and it was always assumed that he would follow in the footsteps of his forefathers. For a while he had but he never quite felt he sailed far enough. By the age of sixteen he was married and with a family. He never earned much but it was enough and it was a respectable living. They had a small cottage a mile or so from the coast. By the time he was nineteen they had three little ones (would have been four but the whooping cough had done for one) and another on the way, future set in stone and fish. His wife Bethany was the lovely, buxom daughter of a baker and an excellent cook and whilst he often appreciated her assets he did not truly love her as he should. He took to spending his evenings at the local inn with other sailors. One night he met a Welshman talking of the promise of great riches far across the sea in the Spanish Main. He shook off the thought with a mind to his duties and thought no more of it. Three nights later (a Monday) the Welshman was there again. Wyvern's curiosity got the better of him and he got talking to the man. There was a boat setting out from Plymouth the following week and they were looking for crew, likely to be gone six months. The thought plagued him over the next few days thinking of the lovely Bethany and their children, his job, his responsibilities. He wasn't a youth anymore, he was a man and couldn't be swayed by flights of fancy. Early in the morning that Friday he was up early as usual but instead of a hasty breakfast before heading out he packed a small sack with clothes and necessities, took out the savings money from its hiding place, took two shillings for himself and left the rest on the table. He wished he could talk to his wife but she wouldn't understand, it was cowardice on his part as he knew he just couldn't tell her. He couldn't leave a note as he couldn't write but it made no difference really as she couldn't read. He left the house as the dawn light was creeping over the countryside. He walked away from the little cottage, away from the bay and the village towards Plymouth. *** Will
Alia Atreides	Jan 19 2007, 02:50 AM Post #2
Journeyman Craftswoman Posts: 2,006 Group: Graphics Member #12 Joined: March 14, 2006 Chosen Theme Fan Art Web Browser Iceweasel	I'm sorry it took me this long to review your story. I really enjoyed it so far. You really flesh out this character, make him believable. Your style of writing is suberb, and much better suited to this fandom than many others that I have seen, your description of the setting is very good--and you come up with a much more realistic and plausible story for poor Wyvern, that is a refreshing change from the majority of fanfiction out there. I eagerly await, and hope that you will continue the next chapter, despite a lack of response.
Rogue	Jan 19 2007, 03:02 AM Post #3
Quarter-Master Posts: 1,627 Group: Moderators Member #7 Joined: March 13, 2006	I didn't read this, and I'll tell you why. There's only one simple reason... the lack of paragraphs and spacing make it harder to read, you'll find that a lot of fanfics that are set out well get neglected. Don't take offense at this, I'd more than happily read your work if it was set out easier on the eyes
will_k_williams	Jan 19 2007, 04:40 PM Post #4
Miscreant Posts: 1,663 Group: Cabin 2 Member #110 Joined: April 30, 2006	Sorry about the spacing, on paper it would look better but with Parley's white on black I know what you mean. I'll do something about that. Thank you Alia, I'm so glad someone read it and liked it. I will be writing a second chapter next week. Now for that spacing. [Edit] I've tried to do something about it but I'm not very experienced at this. I've never written fan fiction before. If anyone has an idea of how to space it out better I'm all ears. Will
Jonathan	Jan 19 2007, 05:01 PM Post #5
Wretch Posts: 219 Group: Members Member #264 Joined: November 14, 2006	I think you've got it. Well done on the writing, too. I'm interested to know what happens next.
will_k_williams	Jul 18 2007, 12:59 AM Post #6
Miscreant Posts: 1,663 Group: Cabin 2 Member #110 Joined: April 30, 2006	Sorry this took so long to write but I lost my muse somewhere along the line. I'm not particularly happy with this part as I've had to change the pace and the tense a lot to tell the story but at least it's here. You'll just have to consider the first part as a prologue: Part 2 It was only 30 miles or so to Plymouth, he was young and fit and he could make it by nightfall. It was just grass, rock, mud and the weather between here and there and plenty of each. It was dark by the time Wyvern arrived in Plymouth. His clothes were sodden with rainwater and the wind had chilled him to the bone but that was forgotten as he looked around. It was odd to him, the buildings were large, the smells were strange and the people were plentiful. He found an inn called the Rose and Crown and hoped for a hot meal, a good pint and hopefully a soft bed for the night. He stepped over the threshold and nobody noticed (another difference between major ports and small villages) and sure enough he found food, drink and shelter for the night. Next morning he trawled the docks asking anyone and everyone about the ship called The Devonshire that the Welshman had spoken of with no luck. It had never occurred to him that he wouldn't find the ship and that he might have to return back home with nothing. In his town people knew the boats, where they were, when they were likely to return, here there were too many. Tall ships, fishing boats and every shape and size in between. He would feel a fool to turn back so for hours he walked and asked anyone he could about the whereabouts of The Devonshire. It was sunset again before he found her but even the amber glow from the horizon couldn't disguise her flaws. She was a fat Spanish galleon that had seen better days. Laying low on the tide with the setting sun highlighting her rotting timber and faded, tattered sails. She would have been a frightful sight to any sailor but in comparison to the bright paint and clean wood of many vessels docked in Plymouth she was ghastly. Wyvern felt his dreams of adventure sink fast as this ship surely would if she hit rough weather. In a corner of a local inn Wyvern weighed up his options. He could still return home and explain himself with half truths; he could sail on The Devonshire and pray she was sturdier than she looked or he could find work on another ship. Most of the local taverns relied heavily on sailors for their trade, this one being no exception so he went with the better option and started making inquiries among the seafaring patrons. **** Hopefully I'll get the next part done soon if anyone's still interested. This part was necessary for the continuation of the story but it wasn't very interesting to write so I thank you in advance for bearing with me. Will
Alia Atreides	Aug 25 2007, 02:45 AM Post #7
Journeyman Craftswoman Posts: 2,006 Group: Graphics Member #12 Joined: March 14, 2006 Chosen Theme Fan Art Web Browser Iceweasel	I'd like to see a continuation. The one thing I'd really like to point out (to something you said earlier about this being your first fanfic), is that it really does not come across as a lot of people's first fanfics do. Mine come to mind in terms of what not to do, but yours is good. Your descriptions are really nice, and very beautifully done--especially those relating to The Devonshire--those really stand out to me. Really--it is a good job. And if you need a muse to continue--you are more than free to use mine. He has not been pulling his weight as of late.

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